Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
