I want to make a zoo with you.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
