okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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