she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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