The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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