Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
