chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
