Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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