he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
