before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
