I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
