and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
