yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
