Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
