Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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