Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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