Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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