Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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