if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
