Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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