Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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