there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i love accidental penises.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
