I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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