I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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