Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
