I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm passing your future prison.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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