Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
