Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
