I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
