my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
