i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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