i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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