Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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