I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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