Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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