Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
