My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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