I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
