I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
