K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
