one word: firstdatebathroomanal
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
