my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
