you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
