How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
