Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize