is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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