he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
