My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
