Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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