yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize