SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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