all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
