I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
