I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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