Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
