he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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