Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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