i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
