I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
