I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
this hospital has no fireball
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
