i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
