there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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