i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
