I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
