it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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