I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I am spending my child support on dildos
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
