I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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